Anxiety

The number of changes that will happen in the next 2-3 weeks seems abundant lately.  Any pregnant woman can tell you the level of anxiety as you near your due date.  The level and effect of that anxiety varies greatly, but I guarantee all Mama’s have it.  For me it’s wanting to get through the impending pain of labor and meet my sweet baby girl already.  Seems to me like the second time around, the end can’t come quick enough!  The “thrill” of being pregnant wears off a lot quicker after the first.  We mama’s know what’s comming…let’s just get er done already!

The level of anxiety I have when I realize that bith means our family will be growing by 1 more person, 1 more set of needs, 1 more little one to split our time and attention between…that’s where my anxiety level grows exponentially.  We have found our way as a family of 3 over the last 19 months with J.  He is our everything, the one we think about 24 hours a day starting the moment we wake up every day.  He is how we start our day, and how we end our day.  In  a way I think my anxiety stems from a piece of me wishing that he could be our one-and-only forever.  Of course, then I remember that we wanted him to have a sibling, that having a little sister will be amazing and bless him forever (and same for little C).  But in those few moments before rationality rules my thoughts, I find myself already missing the last 19 months when it was just our little family of 3.  J is lucky in that he will have been both an only child AND a sibling.  Little C won’t get to experiance the only-child-ness of this family.  She will be equally as lucky to have spent her whole life with a big brother, though.

J will also be starting school 2 days a week on Monday.  We went and did the walk-through and visited with his class last week, and he did about as I expected.  He loves other kiddos, he loved all the new toys and things to explore, but he cried off and on for the little while he was in there without me.  Being that I taught this same age of kiddos for years, this is almost textbook reaction for a kiddo that hasn’t been in childcare before.  Although as a parent, that isn’t as comforting as it maybe should be.  I almost lost it when I walked back in the room and he was tear stained and calling out for Mama.  I know a few days of rough transition and he’ll really benefit from having 2 full days a week where the focus is really all on him and getting to play.  Doesn’t mean I won’t be a wreck on Monday after I drop him off…

Funny how all these things were conscious choices the Hubs and I made – pregnancy, growing our family, putting J in school – and yet the anxiety still exists.  I know that everything will even out, find it’s way, become part of our normal routine.  It always does.  For now, we will count down the days till our little C joins us, we’ll give J extra love while he’s still the only little one we have, and we’ll embrace all that the new adventure of daycare will bring to J.

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