I don’t know about other mama’s out there, but one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone -anyone really – tells me that the way I do things with my child is the wrong way, or that my way “doesn’t work”. UGH!
For example, I love my hubby dearly, but he did this to me tonight:
As part of J’s bedtime routine, his sound machine plays music while I nurse him and 99% of the time he falls soundly asleep with no problem.
Tonight though was one of the nights that nothing I do seems to be working as per the norm and I had to call in Daddy after 15+ minutes of trying to get J to settle into sleep.
To preface this, as we turned on his music and got him into jammies, Hubby told me that he doesn’t usually use the sound when he puts J to sleep – but then again Daddy sings to him, so why would he need the music playing too? Me, I’m not a singer, especially at 2 am, so I’ve not gotten into the habit of singing J to sleep.
So back to tonight’s bedtime routine…As I walk out of the room into the lights of the kitchen, squinting as usual, the Hubby turns to me and says “I told you the music doesn’t work.”
*******insert silent 4 letter words here*******
Just because it didn’t work this one time in the last 100 times means that my routine “doesn’t work” all of a sudden?!?!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?
Now I’m sure that I’ve also done the same thing to him, probably more times than I could count, but why do we always feel the need to correct another parents actions? Even when that parent is the mother/father of your own child?
I think judgement is one of those things that is incredibly hard to quiet. It seems that in every aspect of anyone’s life, the inert desire or automatic response to any action or response that differs from your own triggers the reaction of immediate judgement.
I admit, I am certainly guilty of this, especially towards other parents or children – more so before I had a kiddo of my own – but still, it was there and probably always will be.
I remember back to when my friends were having children before I’d even gotten married, and all the judgement I’d passed onto them for the decisions they made or the reasons they did the things they did. Where I thought that I knew anything about their situation, who knows…judgement just reared it’s ugly head without so much as a thought.
I’m sure that there are plenty of people out there judging me for the things I do, the actions I take, the way I raise my kid. For the most part I really don’t care. My life, my decisions, etc. etc. But every once in a while something cuts through and cuts deep.
You want to believe that they way you’re raising your child is the best way you know how and that there aren’t any “better” ways out there that are of any consequence. Most of us do the best with what we know. We teach, love, listen, and grow alongside our children as they will eventually become a mirror image of how they were raised.
Here’s to thicker skin, and maybe a little more patience to let it roll off 🙂