C-Section

Published on May 10, 2014May 10, 2014 by a.simple.mamaLeave a comment

When I was pregnant with J I knew that I was going to want an epidural. No question in my mind that I wasn’t ready for a natural childbirth and so for me, I always planned on the epi. When I went into labor they were sure J was going to be born within about 6 hours from my water breaking, he was moving along pretty quick. But I didn’t get my epidural until 8-9 cm and then it was overkill and I completely lost feeling and the ability to push effectively. So my labor stalled. 12 hours into labor I was finally able to push and pushed for 2 hours with no significant movement.

My midwife had told me at my 39 week appointment that J’s head was on the large side. Well apparently my pelvis, while plenty wide, is also oval-shaped. Something I’d have no way of knowing…until I tried to give birth.After 14 hours of labor, even the vacuum didn’t help any and the decision was made to take me in for a c-section. There was no way that J was coming out as planned.

I’d never really thought too much about a c-section. Mainly because I didn’t think there was any significant risk of needing one. I didn’t have any specific ill-thoughts or feelings about c-sections either though. Beyond not wanting to go all-natural, I didn’t have a specific idea of how my birthing plan would be carried out. When my midwife told me that I would need a c-section after all, she approached it with some apprehension. I think a lot of mothers who go through the initial parts of labor and really disappointed when they have to go through a c-section too. I appreciated that she approached it carefully and explained to me what was happening and that J just wasn’t going to fit through the birth canal. C-section really wasn’t an option at this point, it was mandatory.

My c-section went smoothly, and besides being really exhausted after 14+ hours of labor and then a major surgery, I didn’t have any regrets at the time. The only major disappointment I had was that I wasn’t able to hold my own baby until an hour after they pulled him out of me. I made sure that I was allowed skin-on-skin as soon as possible and he breastfed fine, but I missed out on that whole first hour. Luckily Daddy got to be with him during that time so they could stitch me back up.

Yesterday I shared this post from Facebook:

Five Things You Should Not Say to a Cesarean Mom and Three Things You Should

I don’t specifically remember comments that I’ve made in the past to friends who’ve had c-sections. Nor do I specifically remember comments that were made to me after my own c-section. But the article did get me thinking back to my experience and how these five things affect me now.

#1 is a very valid point in my mind. Everyone’s experience with birth is different. Some people have it really “easy” with no complications, and some people struggle with birth or recovery. Comparing one birth to another is as valid as comparing a fruit to meat. Just don’t do it.

#2. Yes, very true, but don’t forget that birth is a very important experience to moms, dads, family members. If you had a very specific birth plan in place and you were forced to change it, that’s a hard thing to quickly get over. Consider the mother’s feelings, especially since she birth is exhausting.

#3 If someone would have said this to me I would have either slapped them or not spoken to them for a very long time. Seriously? Who in their right mind would say something like this to a new mom riddled with hormones and postpartum symptoms?

#4 If you really want a c-section by choice, that’s your own prerogative. Maybe that’s in your own birth plan. But don’t cheapen our experience by making it sound like a c-section is the “best” way to give birth.

#5 Some people connect more to their c-sections than others. For some it is a reminder that things didn’t go quite the way they planned or envisioned. For others it may be a way that they can look back on a wonderful gift. I personally have no attachment to my scar other than it being a story to someday tell my little one(s). To each their own.

If you really want to talk to a new mama about her birth story, c-section or otherwise, please keep in mind that new mama’s are very sensitive, overly emotional (rightly so) and sleep deprived. Be careful with what you say and how your words may come off as judgmental. Be supportive and listen to what mama has to say about her experience. Unless she asks, she probably doesn’t give a rats ass about your own thoughts or opinions on the matter.

When baby #2 for us happens, I will tell my midwife that I’d like to try for a VBAC first. Unless the next one has a head the size of a watermelon too, I’m hopeful that I’ll get to experience a vaginal birth. My midwife did tell me that the chances of needing a second c-section are higher if you’ve already had one, and that if we are planning on more than 2 kids we will need to discuss the risks of a possible 3rd pregnancy or c-section. We’ll cross that bridge when/if we come to it.

Taking offense to what makes a “good mom”

Published on May 9, 2014 by a.simple.mamaLeave a comment

I read this article yesterday:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bunmi-laditan/im-done-making-my-kids-childhood-magical_b_5062838.html?utm_hp_ref=email_share

I get the overall message of the article, and I see the point of mama’s these days feeling like they have to go above and beyond to make themselves or others think that they are being a “good mom” purely through appearances. But one of the lines I take serious offense to:

“For a few years, I got caught up in the “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better” parenting model, which mandates you scour Pinterest for the best ideas, execute them flawlessly, and then share the photo evidence with strangers and friends via blogs and Facebook posts.”

I’m curious how Pinterest and Blogs and Facebook has anything to do with being considered a “good mom”? Since when do outside hobbies and creativity and sharing turn into the “anything you can do I can do better parenting model”? As a crafty person, I’ve always been interested in crafts and organization and blaming Pinterest for promoting a new form of Parenting seems a little harsh. Yes, I use Pinterest for ideas for J, but I also use Pinterest for home ideas, cleaning ideas, meal ideas, projects for the Hubs etc. How does that make me one of these so called “anything you can do I can do better” parents?

The fact that I choose to share my ideas and projects and that I have this blog has nothing to do with me trying to show that I’m a “good mom”. My hobbies do not define my worth as a mother. My choosing to share with my family and friends and whomever else may come across this blog has nothing to do with trying to prove that I’m a better mom than any other mom out there. I am a good mom because I love my son. I love him unconditionally and I do anything and everything that I can for him. If that involves and idea I took from Pinterest then so be it, that doesn’t mean that Pinterest makes me a good mom.

I share my ideas to help inspire other people, mom’s included. I share my stories here and on Facebook to keep my family and friends who are out of state in the loop with my family’s life. I enjoy doing projects and making my home and my life better by incorporating new ideas and trying new things. None of these things define my worth as a Mom. I am a GREAT MOM whether I do these things or not. I don’t know of a single mom out there who rates her worth as a parent by the number of Facebook shares, or the number of Pinterest ideas used at their kiddo’s birthday parties. And for those of you out there who judge other mom’s because they choose or don’t choose to share their ideas and photos via social media, shame on you. Mom’s do not attempt to gain popularity points by the number of shares and posts that they accomplish throughout their little one’s childhood.

We are GREAT MOM’S when we love our children. With or without money, photos, “keeping up with the Jones'” mentality, big houses, more toys that you know what to do with, or fancy schools. If you love your child and you do whatever you can to keep your child safe and cared for, you are a GREAT MOM.

Tongue Tied

Published on May 8, 2014February 6, 2020 by a.simple.mama2 Comments

J was born tongue-tied. Meaning that the little piece of skin under your tongue that attaches the bottom of your tongue to the floor of your mouth was attached all the way to the tip of his little tongue. The doc told us it was genetic. Although neither the Hubs or I can figure out who it came from. Either way, the doc said that getting it snipped wasn’t mandatory and many kids do just fine. However we decided it was better for J to have it taken care of as soon as possible. Just like circumcision, it would be a pretty quick and painless procedure. The doc also told us that being tongue-tied could complicate breastfeeding. And being a new mama, that was proving to be hard to get started as it was. I wanted to breastfeed, and that was another reason we chose to get it taken care of.

I don’t think there are any cons to getting the procedure done. At least none that I’ve come across in my research on it. I don’t remember what the chances of tongue-tie are in babies either, but I’d never heard of it before so I assume they are pretty slim. The ENT who did the snipping told us that a lot of times kiddos who don’t have the procedure end up ripping the skin themselves when they trip and fall during their younger years. Ick. Can’t imagine that would feel great! ENT also said that tongue-tie could cause problems later in life if J ever wanted to play an instrument or that it may affect his speech, so he (without actually saying it) told us that it was better to get it taken care of. So we did.

The procedure was pretty quick but it wasn’t fun to watch. Doc had us hold J down while he stuck a spork looking thing under his tongue and then made a quick snip with the scissors. For me it was worse than the circumcision though, they don’t numb them up for the tongue-snip procedure since there aren’t any nerves in that little piece of skin. He sure screamed though…probably more from being held down than anything but it still pulls at your heartstrings, especially as a new parent with a 2 week old. Doc had me nurse him for a few minutes to get the bleeding to stop and in about 5 minutes he was perfectly fine.

Now that J is old enough to really stick out his tongue in response to one of us doing the same thing, it appears that his tongue still isn’t quite normal. He can’t stick it out very far, and the tip isn’t rounded when he does. I’m sure it won’t be a big issue, but still makes you worry that other things could be lingering for the future. The Hubs jokes that he has a short tongue too.

It’s something I’ll mention to the pediatrician when we see him at J’s 1 year appointment, but I’m not sure I”ll get more than an “it’ll be fine” answer. Not sure there is any other answer really. I’m probably just thinking too much into it. But being a mama means over thinking things ~~some times~~ always.

pic courtesy of: http://www.breastfeedingbasics.com/articles/tongue-tie

Don’t feed the baby

Published on May 7, 2014May 8, 2014 by a.simple.mama1 Comment

Maybe it’s just me. Or maybe it’s all Mama’s. There’s something about being a Mama that makes you a little crazy. Crazy about a lot of things really, but today I’m talking food. What is it about other people feeding your child that makes a little crazy bomb go off in your head? They aren’t feeding them rat poison, it’s not like what they are being fed is dog food. It’s human food, made for consumption, and as long as it’s semi-age appropriate, what’s the big deal, right?

Um crazy mama says WRONG! It didn’t start to bug me until J was old enough to eat just about anything…so just in the last month or two. Which may be why I feel like I took a crazy pill in the last 2 months too…10 months is a big developmental step and there’s lots of things semi-out of my control now. Now that he’s under his own propulsion (seriously it’s like he’s got rocket on his feet), it’s much harder to keep track of where he’s at 100% of the time. That being said, it may be that my inner crazy mama has heightened her awareness greatly due to the fact that I can’t watch him 100% of the time….and over the past month he’s eaten goose poop, paper, and who knows what out of the trash and off the floor without my knowledge. Oy. Building his immune system…right?!

I really don’t consider myself to be a neurotic mama who has all J’s meals planned out and incorporates each food group into each meal every day. Far from it actually. Usually I’m throwing together whatever I can dig out of the fridge or pantry to feed him or he’s eating the same thing that I eat. He gets far too many graham crackers and yogi melts for lack of me being better prepared. So why then does my crazy go off when someone else (that I trust) gives him a cheerio or a piece of granola bar? Not sure I can actually explain that one outside of the crazy mama theory…I think it’s just hard wired into us as mamas.

Most of me (the sane, rational part) really actually appreciates that there are others around me that are helping to watch over and take care of my little one. If he’s hungry and giving them the puppy dog eyes, then I would certainly give him a little bite too…ahhh irony.

Any other mama’s out there have these crazy mama moments?

Mama Envy

Published on May 6, 2014 by a.simple.mamaLeave a comment

One day you’ll be out with a friend, or hanging with your Hubby, or visiting Gramma and Grampa and it’ll hit you. You’ll be playing with your little one, or trying to feed them, or trying to comfort them. You’ll try everything to get them to smile, to laugh, to play, to sleep. Everything you do is to no avail. Or maybe they are responding, but they almost seem bored with you. Then it’ll hit you. All of a sudden someone else (friend, Gramma, Daddy) strolls in and suddenly Mama no longer exists. Mama is not the funny one anymore. Mama can’t find the right trick to get you to eat, or sleep, or laugh. But this Not-Mama person can. It hits you. Mama Envy.

I don’t know what it is that makes us Mama’s think that we should be the only ones that know how to comfort our babies, or play just the way they like, or act silly enough to make them laugh at you every time. It’s almost comical how I think that I should be the only one sometimes. And true, sometimes I am the right ingredient for making J happy…usually it has something to do with boobies. And as much as you love how close your baby is to all the other important people in your life, it’ll still hit you right between the eyes. Mama’s want to be the best for their little ones.

Each time Mama Envy hits me I have to force myself to not run up to J and tear him away from whomever is holding him so that I can be the one making him smile. Hold me back! Mama Envy is coming through! *breath* OK, let’s just relax now huh?

I do love that J has so many people that love him and care for him and that he is so open to the comforts and play from other people as well. I have tried really hard as a new Mama to make sure that J isn’t afraid of new people, that he interacts with as many people as possible. So it’s ironic that letting someone else comfort him hits a bit of a nerve.

Now there are a few different types of Mama Envy, but in my experience most of it has to do with your (temporary) lack of ability to comfort or provide for your own child. This can be the simplest thing like your kid throwing a tantrum in the store while little miss Perfect Mama walks by you with her two perfectly well behaved children. Or it can be the Mama in the grocery store who’s cart is full of FRESH fruit and veggies…while you look into your own cart and see canned goods and ice cream and potato chips galore…Or maybe you’re just having one of those moments where you don’t have enough time that day to just sit and snuggle your little one, and so they graciously accept some snuggles from someone else.

Mama Envy. I have to hope that these pangs of envy only push us to be better Mama’s to our little ones ❤