Tag: parenting

Deciphering cries at 3 am…

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As a strong dis-believer in the cry-it-out method of sleep training, there have been a few things that I’ve learned.

1. The journey in getting to a “normal” sleep pattern for your little one may be a longer road, but you will eventually get there
2. There are plenty of other methods out there that you can use or adapt to meet the needs of your own family
3. No matter what method you use, you’ll still struggle with the guilt or doubt over if what you are doing is best for your kiddo
4. You will try and try again no matter what method you use, until it all finally falls into place
5. Nothing will stop a little one from waking randomly in the middle of the night sometimes.

When I say that I don’t believe in the cry-it-out method this is my stance:  I want my children to always feel that their needs are being met.  I want my children to know that if they need comforting, that we will be there for them.  I never want my children to be forced to fall asleep after crying with no comfort – this perhaps is my biggest no-no, as an adult I’ve had my share of crying-myself-to-sleep and I’d never wish that on anyone in the world, least of all my children.  While I do believe that it is important to understand when it is time for sleep, I do not support the theory that allowing a little one (who doesn’t know any better) to cry into the darkness with no answer will eventually teach them a positive skill. For my family, there are other ways to build this skill.

I’m not saying that parents who do choose to use the CIO method are wrong in their choice.  I believe every parent makes the best decisions for their own family.  In this case, the CIO method does not fit my family or my mentality as a parent.

Once we were able to maintain a consistent napping and bedtime schedule, J’s sleeping patterns improved.  As first time parents, you are bound to make some mistakes along the way – in our case we made plenty of them with J’s sleep from the beginning.  But after 14 months J finally started sleeping through the night.  That doesn’t mean he always sleeps a solid 11 hours from 7pm to 6(ish)am, BUT we know that he is actually capable of doing so and he does quite regularly.  There are still random nights – maybe 2 out of every week – that he will wake enough in the middle of the night where he fusses enough that I will do in and help him settle back into sleep.  Being that I am still nursing him, I will nurse him for comfort (I know that’s mainly what he nurses for now) until he calms enough to either fall asleep again or I know he can self-sooth himself back to sleep from that point.  J has been known to randomly screech in the middle of the night though, and we’ve learned the differences between his “sleep” cries, his “waking” cries, and his “something’s wrong, I’m up” cries.

J recently got his 15 month shots (varicella and mmr) and he’s also sprouting 5 new teeth.  4 molars and a bottom tooth all at the same time…poor kiddo!  Needless to say, he’s had a mild temperature and been extra fussy and needy for the past week.  No wonder he’s been waking more than usual at night.  I suppose another reason when the CIO thing doesn’t sit right with me.  This week I’ve answered J’s midnight cries a little quicker than other times – if I was in pain or had a temp. and needed a little extra love, I’d want someone to come help me out – why wouldn’t I do the same for my little one?

That all being said, it doesn’t mean that when J cries at 3 am that I don’t groan and wish that he’d put himself back to sleep.  At 3 am no one is happy about being awake involuntarily!  But since when does being a parent mean you’ll get your full 10 hours of sleep? Ha…

Warning: Nipple Talk

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If you’re on your first kiddo, you know that breastfeeding for the first month or so is pretty uncomfortable.  Ok, sometimes it’s almost unbearable.  The cracking, bleeding, sore, engorged pain that only a mother will ever feel.  But we do it, we do it because we know that breastfeeding is the best thing for our babies.  And once you get over that first hump, it’s easy going from there…at least as far as the pain goes.  Feeding problems are a whole ‘nother conversation…

When I decided that I wasn’t going to try and wean J when I got preggers, I had no idea that the nipple pain would be back…with a vengeance too.  I worried when J started getting teeth that I would have to deal with biting or a difference in J’s “grip”, but nothing really changed.  He has bitten me once or twice, but not regular or purposeful enough for me to do anything about weaning.  But the last 2 months or so…phew…

I’ve done a little research.  I worried at first that the pain was due to a yeast infection or something of the sort.  But as far as I’ve been able to find, nipple tenderness is part of the lovely side effects of being pregnant.  If it happens to effect you to the point where nursing is uncomfortable…well you’re pretty much SOL.  Some women reported that they were in so much pain when they would nurse that they weaned their little one right then.

I haven’t quite gotten to that point yet…but the best I can compare the pain to is what I imagine it feels like for a guy to get kicked in the nads.  It’s not always that terrible, usually it’s only that bad at night and on one side more than the other. 

BUT unfortunately for me, I nurse J to sleep.  Yes, I know, all the “experts” would tell me that that’s the worst habit I could have gotten him into.  Oh well, what’s done is done, and frankly it keeps his nursing on a pretty tight schedule.  So, the “nursing to sleep” thing aside, this routine that we follow to get J to sleep every night ends up leaving me with a “kicked in the nads” feeling for the first 5 minutes of him nursing.  It does go away eventually, but I never thought that I’d be back at the painful nipple step so late in the game.

I find myself hoping that I won’t have to wean J because of the pain.  In my mind there’s really no reason to wean him yet, but if it’s intolerable for him to latch, then what? 

I’ll talk to my midwife in 2 weeks at my 16 week checkup, but I’m really weary that I’ll be eventually (sooner than later) forced to wean my sweet boy because the pain is too much to handle…sigh.

 

The Sisterhood of Motherhood

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There’s something about being pregnant, being a mom that brings other mother’s together.  A common bond that you now all intimately share.  Random strangers you encounter while out and about, friends that you’ve lost touch with, cousins, distant high school acquaintances all suddenly become closer to you.  Drawn together by this little pull of motherhood. 

People you barely know, or wouldn’t normally approach suddenly have this approach-ability to them.  A common thread that you can tug on to enter into a conversation that you wouldn’t normally have had.  “How far along?” “When are you due?” “Boy or girl?” Aren’t deemed as inappropriate or prying questions when coming from someone else in the same boat.  There’s no need  to guard yourself and your growing belly from the reaching out of curious hands from a mother who’s carrying a belly of her own.  

If you are through the pregnancy part and have little ones of common ages, those silly little creatures we love so much become the strings that tie us together instead.  Your little one catches the attention of the little one at the next table and all of a sudden an instant friendship of sorts is formed with a complete stranger, if only for a few quick seconds.  An understanding that is inherent and buried so deep that you don’t even question it.

Mom’s get it.  Mom’s to be are on their way to getting it. “IT” being the all-knowing and yet totally unknown adventure that you’ve entered into by becoming a parent.  The even playing field that life becomes the second that you enter into this new chapter in your life.  Total strangers who find this one common link in otherwise unrelated worlds or societies.

How powerful this one little thing can be…

Returning compliments?

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I’ve always been the type to ogle at babies.  In the store, at a restaurant, at the park…it’s built into my DNA to coo and awe at them.  But besides giving a smile and a little wave to the little cutie, I’ve never been the type to make a compliment directly to the parents.  I don’t know if maybe I feel like I’m imposing by saying something, even though it’s a compliment, or if I’m just not the type to say something to someone I don’t know.  Actually, I’m the second.  

Now that I’m a parent with a cutie-patootie of my own I’ve been almost bombarded with compliments on a daily basis about how cute he is.  Now, I’m certainly not going to argue…because he is friggen adorable and he just loves the attention so he plays off of it like a pro.  But even parents with little babies of their own are complimenting little J.  Something about that just seems….odd (?) to me.  I love that everyone thinks he’s so adorable, and we never get tired of hearing it.  But is it weird that so many compliments come from parents of other similarly aged babies?!

Maybe I’m just being silly…

The other part of it is that since I am so terrible at complimenting total strangers (or their little ones), I am also awful at returning the compliments from said parents.  If a parent with a little one compliments J, should I return the compliment as well?  I always seem to miss the obvious opening to do so, and then it’s too late to say something without it sounding forced or fake.

Not that I don’t acknowledge the other child or whomever is giving the compliment.  In most cases I’m talking between J and the child – kind of like narrating what he’s seeing…”ooo you see that pretty girl over there? are you flirting silly boy?” In the meantime we are both waving and smiling at the other baby too…so it’s not like I’m ignoring them.  But I feel weird just saying “thanks! Yours is a cutie too!”  Probably because I’m a little partial now to J and I don’t notice the cuteness of other little ones as much as before.  

Is it just me feeling this parental oddness?!  It’s happening enough that I’m starting to really wonder…

A parent’s perspective – baby comes first

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Ever since we’ve become parents, the Hubs and I have spent less time away from home, less time away from each other, and as little time as possible away from J.  As soon as that little one enters your world, they become your #1 priority.  Besides that, you WANT them to be your #1 priority.  You will find yourself choosing spending time at home with you little one and you family over spending time away.  The things that you enjoy doing and find yourself missing doing, you will find yourself choosing your little one over those things.  It’s a choice that you start to make automatically.  It’s barely registers as a “decision” actually.  It became so automatic to us that we don’t even question it anymore.

A close friend asked the Hubs to go on a long weekend camping trip the other day.  In the pre-baby days, the Hubs would have jumped at the opportunity – backpacking and camping with the guys for a few nights in a row would have been close to heaven for him.  Fast-forward to post-baby days…total change of mind.  The Hubs didn’t even ask me if it would be OK for him to go away for a few nights.  Instead he already knows and already has decided that he doesn’t like to be away from J (and maybe me too) for more than a night.  A baby changes everything.

What was particularly interesting about this specific situation was that this friend got pretty upset about the Hubs not wanting to spend more than one night away.  It wasn’t that Hubs couldn’t spend more than one night…although it wouldn’t make me very happy…but that he did not want to.  Funny how it changes, huh?  It has very little to do with the Hubs not wanting to spend time with his friends doing something he enjoys, and has everything to do with spending as much time with your little one as you possibly can.

I remember how the Hubs and I used to be in the pre-baby days.  Knowing us we probably would have been a little annoyed at a friend who would turn down what seemed like an awesome opportunity to get away for the sake of having a family or something similar.  I get it, I’ve been there.  But now it’s almost comical when someone uses your choice to stay home with the kiddo as a means to be upset over your decision.  Your whole perspective changes the minute that little one comes into the world.