Category: Adventures in Parenting

Taking offense to what makes a “good mom”

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I read this article yesterday:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bunmi-laditan/im-done-making-my-kids-childhood-magical_b_5062838.html?utm_hp_ref=email_share

I get the overall message of the article, and I see the point of mama’s these days feeling like they have to go above and beyond to make themselves or others think that they are being a “good mom” purely through appearances.  But one of the lines I take serious offense to:

“For a few years, I got caught up in the “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better” parenting model, which mandates you scour Pinterest for the best ideas, execute them flawlessly, and then share the photo evidence with strangers and friends via blogs and Facebook posts.”

I’m curious how Pinterest and Blogs and Facebook has anything to do with being considered a “good mom”?  Since when do outside hobbies and creativity and sharing turn into the “anything you can do I can do better parenting model”?  As a crafty person, I’ve always been interested in crafts and organization and blaming Pinterest for promoting a new form of Parenting seems a little harsh.  Yes, I use Pinterest for ideas for J, but I also use Pinterest for home ideas, cleaning ideas, meal ideas, projects for the Hubs etc.  How does that make me one of these so called “anything you can do I can do better” parents?

The fact that I choose to share my ideas and projects and that I have this blog has nothing to do with me trying to show that I’m a “good mom”.  My hobbies do not define my worth as a mother.  My choosing to share with my family and friends and whomever else may come across this blog has nothing to do with trying to prove that I’m a better mom than any other mom out there.  I am a good mom because I love my son.  I love him unconditionally and I do anything and everything that I can for him.  If that involves and idea I took from Pinterest then so be it, that doesn’t mean that Pinterest makes me a good mom.

I share my ideas to help inspire other people, mom’s included.  I share my stories here and on Facebook to keep my family and friends who are out of state in the loop with my family’s life.  I enjoy doing projects and making my home and my life better by incorporating new ideas and trying new things.  None of these things define my worth as a Mom.  I am a GREAT MOM whether I do these things or not.  I don’t know of a single mom out there who rates her worth as a parent by the number of Facebook shares, or the number of Pinterest ideas used at their kiddo’s birthday parties.  And for those of you out there who judge other mom’s because they choose or don’t choose to share their ideas and photos via social media, shame on you.  Mom’s do not attempt to gain popularity points by the number of shares and posts that they accomplish throughout their little one’s childhood.

We are GREAT MOM’S when we love our children.  With or without money, photos, “keeping up with the Jones'” mentality, big houses, more toys that you know what to do with, or fancy schools.  If you love your child and you do whatever you can to keep your child safe and cared for, you are a GREAT MOM.

Don’t feed the baby

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Maybe it’s just me.  Or maybe it’s all Mama’s.  There’s something about being a Mama that makes you a little crazy.  Crazy about a lot of things really, but today I’m talking food.  What is it about other people feeding your child that makes a little crazy bomb go off in your head?  They aren’t feeding them rat poison, it’s not like what they are being fed is dog food.  It’s human food, made for consumption, and as long as it’s semi-age appropriate, what’s the big deal, right?

Um crazy mama says WRONG!  It didn’t start to bug me until J was old enough to eat just about anything…so just in the last month or two.  Which may be why I feel like I took a crazy pill in the last 2 months too…10 months is a big developmental step and there’s lots of things semi-out of my control now.  Now that he’s under his own propulsion (seriously it’s like he’s got rocket on his feet), it’s much harder to keep track of where he’s at 100% of the time.  That being said, it may be that my inner crazy mama has heightened her awareness greatly due to the fact that I can’t watch him 100% of the time….and over the past month he’s eaten goose poop, paper, and who knows what out of the trash and off the floor without my knowledge.  Oy. Building his immune system…right?!

I really don’t consider myself to be a neurotic mama who has all J’s meals planned out and incorporates each food group into each meal every day.  Far from it actually.  Usually I’m throwing together whatever I can dig out of the fridge or pantry to feed him or he’s eating the same thing that I eat.  He gets far too many graham crackers and yogi melts for lack of me being better prepared.  So why then does my crazy go off when someone else (that I trust) gives him a cheerio or a piece of granola bar?  Not sure I can actually explain that one outside of the crazy mama theory…I think it’s just hard wired into us as mamas.

Most of me (the sane, rational part) really actually appreciates that there are others around me that are helping to watch over and take care of my little one.  If he’s hungry and giving them the puppy dog eyes, then I would certainly give him a little bite too…ahhh irony.

Any other mama’s out there have these crazy mama moments?

 

Mama Envy

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One day you’ll be out with a friend, or hanging with your Hubby, or visiting Gramma and Grampa and it’ll hit you.  You’ll be playing with your little one, or trying to feed them, or trying to comfort them.  You’ll try everything to get them to smile, to laugh, to play, to sleep.  Everything you do is to no avail.  Or maybe they are responding, but they almost seem bored with you.  Then it’ll hit you.  All of a sudden someone else (friend, Gramma, Daddy) strolls in and suddenly Mama no longer exists.  Mama is not the funny one anymore.  Mama can’t find the right trick to get you to eat, or sleep, or laugh.  But  this Not-Mama person can.  It hits you. Mama Envy.

I don’t know what it is that makes us Mama’s think that we should be the only ones that know how to comfort our babies, or play just the way they like, or act silly enough to make them laugh at you every time.  It’s almost comical how I think that I should be the only one sometimes.  And true, sometimes I am the right ingredient for making J happy…usually it has something to do with boobies.  And as much as you love how close your baby is to all the other important people in your life, it’ll still hit you right between the eyes.  Mama’s want to be the best for their little ones.

Each time Mama Envy hits me I have to force myself to not run up to J and tear him away from whomever is holding him so that I can be the one making him smile.  Hold me back! Mama Envy is coming through!  *breath* OK, let’s just relax now huh?

I do love that J has so many people that love him and care for him and that he is so open to the comforts and play from other people as well.  I have tried really hard as a new Mama to make sure that J isn’t afraid of new people, that he interacts with as many people as possible.  So it’s ironic that letting someone else comfort him hits a bit of a nerve.

Now there are a few different types of Mama Envy, but in my experience most of it has to do with your (temporary) lack of ability to comfort or provide for your own child.  This can be the simplest thing like your kid throwing a tantrum in the store while little miss Perfect Mama walks by you with her two perfectly well behaved children.  Or it can be the Mama in the grocery store who’s cart is full of FRESH fruit and veggies…while you look into your own cart and see canned goods and ice cream and potato chips galore…Or  maybe you’re just having one of those moments where you don’t have enough time that day to just sit and snuggle your little one, and so they graciously accept some snuggles from someone else.

Mama Envy.  I have to hope that these pangs of envy only push us to be better Mama’s to our little ones ❤

Dental hyGenes

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As I sit here typing with half of my face numb and the other half tingly from 2 fillings today, I can’t help but think back on the many many many many times I’ve been in the dental chair.  My first major filling was when I was 4.  Since then my mouth has always been total crap.  Not for lack of brushing either, just genetics (I tell myself).  My mom has told me the story countless times.  During my 4 year old wellness checkup the doc noticed that one of my molars was rotting out of my head.  Brushing wasn’t in my routine at that age.  Whoops.

Now as a mom myself, I can’t say that I would remember to incorporate regular brushing into my kiddos routines either.  It’s not something that I’d put at the top of my list for sure.  The times I’ve ever had to help a little one brush their teeth, it’s more them sucking the toothpaste off the brush rather then actually “brushing” anything.  So even if you are “brushing” every night, there’s no guarantee that there will be any major effect.

I do have the baby finger toothbrush thingy and the baby toothpaste (no fluoride), and in the last 10 months we have used it…maybe 3 times.  Whoops.  The experts tell you to brush even before teeth.  Ha, no teeth? Like I’m going to remember to brush something that doesn’t exist yet.  Kudos to the mama’s out there who keep dental hygiene at the top of their list.  I am not one of them, apparently.

Speaking of teeth…J has 6 now. holy crap.  He didn’t have any and now he’s got 6.  No wonder he’s been such a pill lately.  I knew he was cutting teeth on the top, but I tipped him upside down one day and got a glimpse of 4 top teeth cutting at the same time.  I would be grumpy too!  Poor lil’ guy 😦

Teething from here on should look something like this…although I’m taking this with a grain of salt.

teething

 

Found this on good ol’ Pinterest.

 

When did your little one teeth?  Did they come in easy or was it a grump fest at your house too?

 

Keep Calm and…

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There is simply not enough time in the day.  Today was one of those days where everything seemed to suddenly catch up to me.  J’s on the move, too many deadlines, far too many dirty dishes, the house is a mess, J won’t eat dinner, feeling overwhelmed…man it’s only Thursday?  Today I felt like a headless chicken.

It went a little like this:  7:30 arrive at work.  Run here, do this.  Run there, do that.  Oh wait, go back and finish the first thing since you got distracted trying to keep J from eating that spider over there.  Wait, what was I just doing?  Oh, right.  Run back over there.  Stop to feed some crackers to J.  Try and spend a solid 5-10 minutes on this project while he is content with his crackers.  Keep J from pushing the power button on the computer.  Give J a wooden spoon and move him to the other part of the office.  Work for another 3 minutes before he makes his way across the office back to the computer.  Give J a quick snuggle and put him in the pack-n-play.  He likes to look out the window there…good I’ll have maybe 10 minutes to get this done.  One thing down.  It’s now 9 am.  Only took me 1 1/2 hours to accomplish one thing (that should have taken 20 minutes) and half accomplish about 1000.  Nap time! Nurse J and put down in crib.  Close office door and try to type silently so as not to wake J.  9:30 J wakes up.  Managed to get 1 more thing accomplished.  Snack time, give J a snack and then put him with some toys hoping for another 20 minutes to get to a stopping point.  Spend the next 30 minutes working/moving J from under your chair to over with his toys repeatedly. Lunch time, attempt to feed J yogurt (which he refuses to eat) while also trying to remember if you’ve had anything to eat today.  Run errands hoping that J will sleep in the car.  He doesn’t.  Go stop at Wendy’s and then visit Gramma at work for a bit.  Go to the post office.  J sleeps in car on the way back to work (yay).  Spend the next 2 hours at the office trying to accomplish the most possible with the same silly baby distracting you with snuggles all the while.  Finally head home.  J sleeps in car.  Arrive home to far too many dishes in the sink and no food in the fridge.  Throw in a frozen pizza while giving your hubby the silent treatment over said dishes.  Attempt to get J to eat something for dinner.  Manage to distract him enough to get a full yogurt in him.  Attempt to eat said pizza with sleepy and fussy baby.  Bed time for J.  Takes mama and daddy 20 minutes each to finally get J down.  Aaaannnnnddd 8pm.  With a mere hour before I fall asleep myself.

I think the following apply quite nicely to my day:

Mid-morning =

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Late afternoon =

 

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J’s bedtime =

 

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9:00pm =

 

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